For the longest time growing up in Mississippi, I really hated myself and my identity. Being one of the only Korean (even Asian) kids in school, it was psychological destruction and torture. Getting ridiculed everyday from ignorant people for standing out like a sore thumb in a town of dominantly white and black people. I wanted to be white growing up and didn't want anything to do with being Korean. I only spoke Korean at the house and was embarrassed to speak it anywhere else. Since I avoided speaking it and learning it, I now can barely speak it with family and other Koreans. The only times I sharpened up was when I would visit my relatives in Korea.
It was also hard growing up without relatives nearby. When all the kids in school would say "well, I go right down the street to my grandpa", for me, visiting my Grandpa took atleast 4 plane rides, 6,000 miles, and about 22 hours. I wish I was closer to them. There's always the questions of "what if"? What if I had grown up in Korea? But nonetheless, the racism and prejudice I dealt with built strong character out of me. I adapted, grew thick skin, and
tried to never let it get to me.
I was always destined to be a 'city boy' and could never stand rural towns like the one I lived in (Starkville). Since my father is a university research professor, every couple of years he would take a
sabbatical leave and work at other universities. We lived in Atlanta, NYC (Queens), and Hong Kong. We almost moved to Cincinnati, OH, around my junior year of high school, but my mother was ill and I was a stubborn child. I guess I didn't want to leave my core group of friends.
I hear stories from my sister about how much my mother hated Mississippi and wanted to move back to Korea. I look back and feel sad...I wish she had it better when she was on Earth, but may she rest peacefully in Heaven.
After moving to the Baltimore/DC metro area, I have rediscovered myself. Each day I am learning more about myself. I am now truly proud of who I am, who I have become and my culture/heritage.
I have always been interested in family insignias, mottos, crests, coat of arms, etc. The most familiar are English families with the huge shields, swords, animals, etc. Out of curiousity, I was doing some research on the
Shim family. I knew Shim was an uncommon Korean last name (252,000 in Korea, less than 1% of population) and I had always heard from my grandfather and my father that we had an important ancestor. My ancestor was a Queen during the Joseon Dynasty. Her husband,
King Sejong, was the creator of the Korean alphabet, or 'hangul'.
After asking my father, he confirmed that we are from the Cheongsong Clan. I found the offical website of the
Cheongsong Sim (or Shim) Clan and now realize there is a family crest.
Very cool info on the emblem: "In the emblem, there are river, pine and Chinese letter of Sim. All they mean eternity. So, this emblem means eternal and endless prosperity generation after generation. The circle was modeled on the Sun and the Moon which symbolize that descendants will succeed and advance to spirit and a splendid accomplishment of ancestors."
The 沈 is the traditional Chinese character for 'Sim'. I only remember that from when I used to have my Hong Kong ID card.
It is a very interesting/fascinating emblem and I am considering getting it tattooed...maybe on my chest or right arm. I will definitely be using it on my helmet to show my pride and heritage.
